Tag Archives: Life 2

My Perfect Little Imperfect World

2 Jan

Well I know the title might seem a bit odd to some folks so let me explain.  I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing.  I’m not the best at spelling, grammar, being “politically” correct, or even saying things correctly the first time but I love to write, talk, and share my life with others.  (Good thing I am now finding imperfection comical because I’m sure I will make a lot of mistakes while blogging.)  I think we can learn from each other.  I love reading other blogs about parenting because I love that moment when I don’t feel like I’m the only mom going through something or the only one that has a child that doesn’t listen or whatever the story might be.  I love relating to others.  So here is how my title came about.  You see from a very early age I liked things perfect.  I like things that are neat, clean, and simply “perfect”.  Although I am not a perfect person, I never have been and I never will be perfect, that is however what I always strive for.  Before becoming a mother striving for perfection was a much simpler task.  I was able to get somewhere on time, my house was neat, I had energy, and I could plan an event and everything went perfectly.  However the road to motherhood was not a simple task but hindsight I see it was a perfect journey.   To make a long story short, I met my husband when I was 15 years old, he was 20.  2 ½ year later we walked down the aisle and said I do about a month before my 18th birthday.  Six months later I decided (and convinced him) we needed to start a family.  Was I young, of course but ever since I was a little girl I knew all I wanted was to be married to a man like my father and to be a good mother just like my mother was.  At age 12, I told my mom I was going to adopt my kids even if I could have my own.  But my husband and I were not ready to explore adoption yet.  I assumed we would have a child or two on our own and then prayerfully consider adoption.  Anyway, my husband and I had no success of conceiving on our own.  Then we went through a rough period of time financially, we had relocated away from our families for his job, and with me battling depression which was later diagnosed as Bipolar and other trials which I might share later on if I feel the Lord leads me to.  During this time I was diagnosed with PCOS around the age of 20.  All 5 months of fertility treatments failed in 2005, a year later a private adoption failed in 2006, and eventually we decided we just needed a break.  During this break we found out that the Pastor of the church I attended as a teenager with my family was a Pastor at a church nearby.  We went and visited that church and immediate felt that we were exactly where God wanted us to be, where we needed to be.  Since that time I have been healed completely from bipolar and our financial situation is great.  Then God used my mom and close friends of ours to plant seeds in us to become foster parents.  We wanted children and they needed parents, it seemed that it would be a great way to make a difference in the life of a child until God’s timing for us to be forever parents.  It was no easy journey to become a foster parent nor easy to be a foster parent, and God truly blessed us along the way (I will share stories along the way).  We are now parents to our daughters, Olivia who turned 6 in July and Kanda who turned 8 in July.  We were blessed to be able to adopt our two daughters in July this past year.  Kanda’s adoption was July 18th and Olivia’s was July 24th.  As I look back over my life all the moments that I thought were imperfect at the time were God’s PERFECT will and his PERFECT timing.  And deep inside of me is embedded a perfectionist.  However, I’m learning that all the moments I stress out about making PERFECT and girls’ moments that make it seem imperfect at the time and different from what I envisioned it, is actually making PERFECT memories.  I know as I get older these PERFECTLY IMPERFECT moments will be the source of my laughter.  I can’t wait to grow old with my husband, sit on our porch in our rocking chairs, with my gray hair blowing in the wind, and for us to just sit and laugh about how PERFECT these moments really were.